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23rd January 2005

melie_innocente2:00am: i wish...
that my grandmother would shut her goddamned pie-hole about my lifestyle. because i don't choose her life, her beliefs, her religion, her taste in men, her future that she has planned out for me since the very first moment i was plopped on her doorstep, i am an ungrateful bitch?
i don't want to get confirmed. i don't want her religion shoved into my life any more than it has been, after thirteen damn years of catholic school. i want to get my degree, become a teacher, and move the f*ck out of this country and as far away from her and everything that has been touched by her as i possibly can. i don't think i can stand this freakin' place for another four years.

if she talks shit about him one more damn time, i swear to god- i'm not going to take her crap anymore.

it irritates me that more men aren't like bender from the breakfast club.

if i could stop living, i think i would.

my doctor says that i may be a danger to myself and others, that i suffer from chronic depression, and that i have bi-polar tendencies. my stress level is high. i wouldn't be surprised if i have a stroke one of these days, and more likely sooner than later. i haven't attacked someone in nearly six years.

i just finished watching 'enter the dragon' and realized that bruce lee is my ideal for the male body. oh god, lanky, corded, whip-fast muscle as opposed to beefy. yummm...
shit, it's getting late.
Current Mood: can't get my head straight

18th November 2004

rintheamazing7:54pm: I am upset by people who take life too seriously. The ones who just have to be angry, even when there's really nothing to be angry about. I'm just trying to get through my life here. I don't have time for your angsty shit. Yeah, I know, pretty much everyone goes through that phase when they're young and hate the world, but sooner or later, you've gotta get on to the rest of your life.

I may not have fame or fortune. I may not have a boyfriend. But I do have a container of Bailey's Irish Cream flavoured Hagen-Dazs, and CSI is on tonight. And life is good.

If you truly have nothing, then nobody should be telling you to be thankful for the nothing you've got. And if you're just a little sad sometimes, then that's fine, too. But if you've got a place to live and food to eat, and some little thing hasn't gone your way, don't expect me to be sorry for you forever. There are people with real problems in the world. If you wanna talk, I'm willing to listen, but if you just want to bitch and moan forever, I'm not gonna hang around for it. I've got more important things to do.
Current Mood: irritated

8th November 2004

woot_woot_woot5:38pm: I don't remember joining this community.

there's a lot of things about this journal I don't exactly remember considering it's my alternate "I'm too emo for my normal journal friends" and I'm often here doing things when I'm in an altered state.

so I'm just going to make the best of this, eh?

"Dearest you,

I fell in love with you beucase of you. becuase of the things you did for me. and I have proof of this. we all thought it was my fault... that I was just crazy and doing something foolish. But I see now that you did this to me. and NO ONE gets to do this to me. FUCK YOU. it's not fair for any human being in the entire world to feel the way I do right now becuase of someone else. and now, after careful thought and consideration and ample research I BLAME YOU. the really shitty thing about it is even if it IS YOUR FAULT, I'm the one who has to live with the consequences.

I don't deserve this. You taught me that, ironcially enough; but it's the way it is and I'm going to survive. fuck you. you'll marry me one day, you'll see....


.... I keep thinking of the lame scene in Swimfan where the psycho girl is screaming at the main guy "YOU LOVE ME I KNOW YOU DO!" is it possible I'm just crazy?

who cares.

/disconnected... gun in my hand.
Current Mood: confused

26th August 2004

xbloodymascarax3:36pm: Well hello kids.
My name's April. I'm fourteen. I'm a wee one, I know.
I found this community while searching for communities interested in Athiesm. In the first entry, you said that this is a community for bitching. So here it goes...
I hate religion. I hate racisim. I hate homophobes. I hate George Bush. I hate high school. I hate Logan. I hate relationships. I hate cutting. I hate my dad. I hate that peanut butter is so fattening. I hate that cookies are so fattening. I hate that I hate running. I hate stereotypes. I hate the color orange.

28th July 2004


   Why the hell is it that unhappy people want to make the people around them unhappy? I was shopping with my best friend today and she bought really neat stuff and I'm happy that she has the money to do that and I'm a little jealous but being poor isn't keeping me from living a semi-happy life.

   Anyways, I came home and I told my Aunt Camille and my Cousin Paige about what Steph *best friend* bought and how I wished I had money but I knew that my life was better in other ways. I have a stronger relationship with my mother (stephanie fights with her mom on a daily basis, I do not) and i appreciate her for who she is even if she sometimes does not do the same to me. Paige and Camille share a room because we all live with my grandparents.

   Me: "Well, at least I have a better relationship with my mom. We hardly ever fight."

   Paige: "That'll change soon."

   Me: "What are you talking about? I don't plan on fighting with my mom anytime soon. Don't start anything."

   Paige: "Just wait until after a few weeks when you guys move out and have to share a room."

   Camille: "Yeah, you don't have anywhere to go to when you have PMS and you need to slam a door."

   Paige: "Yeah, I just sit quietly in my room."

   Camille: "Well, *huff puff*, you're not the only one!"

   Me: *Dies inside*

Why? Why on earth would anyone want to purposely make me dread the future? I honestly don't think it will be that bad, and if it is I'm prepared for it. That's for me to worry about....Bitches.

Venting complete



Current Mood: annoyed

17th July 2004

danielleis6:08pm: Someone kill me because I'm too chickenshit to do it myself. I hate life. I hate people. I don't even think my friends can comfort me now and provide me with that false happiness that I enjoy so much. I'm so tired of everything. I don't want to live in this world anymore with its fucking drama. I leave one awful place where people are fighting and hating each other, only to come to a place that I thought would be different. Perhaps better? But no. Of fucking course not. Negative energy seems to follow me around.

On the upside of things, there's a party tonight for Chris who is moving out of Tejas and that means all the art fags are coming over to get drunk. Maybe I'll have some fun. I love the song Year of the Rat from Badly Drawn Boy. John is going to burn Modest Mouse CDs for me. I really like the band Hopsing and they're good friends with John. That makes me happy, sort of. If nothing else, I can always just do something insane to make myself happy, like die.

Best part of my day: right this second, the washing maching is on ultra spin and its shaking the house and i'm imagining that scene in Amelie where georgette and that guy get it on in the bathroom.

Final Thought: remember, take care of yourselves and eachother. Bye Bye.
Current Mood: crushed

14th July 2004

danielleis12:37am: so i fucked up the first post...big deal
Post what you want. Post your problems. Post the conversations you have with yourself. Post the things that you're to chickenshit to actually say to your boss. I really want to know. I know it's sad, but humor me.
I think I created this community as a place where people can bitch about something and not get bitched back at because God forbid you complain about something in a journal. I wanted a place where everyone can come together and speak about the things in life that really matter, like the Family Matters marathon and Dr. Pepper Red Fusion and Ramen Noodles at 2 a.m.
People could fall in love here. They could fall in hate. They could keep falling and never know it.Who knows, maybe somebody could learn to live from talking to somebody else. A near life experience.
Current Mood: blank
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